A concerned parent recently took to Reddit to ask whether they were being too harsh with their daughter by stipulating that they will only pay for her college if she majors in a degree of their choice. Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole by u/lionheart724, the post described a parent's concern that paying for a child's college education should be treated as a financial investment rather than an unconditional gift.
The Reddit user emphasized that they want to steer their daughter away from high-risk, low-return degrees.
“My wife and I are fortunate enough to be in a position where we can pay for our daughter’s college education,” they wrote in the post.
“The issue is what she wants to major in. She’s interested in things like theater, art, and other creative fields. I told her I’m concerned about spending a significant amount of money on a degree that may not give her many stable career options after graduation.”
“We actually sat down together and looked at potential careers, salaries, and job opportunities associated with some of the majors she’s considering. From what we found, I wasn’t convinced the cost of the degree made financial sense. So I gave her a choice.”
The user mentioned that they inherited three million dollars. They offered to cover 100 percent of their daughter's college tuition on one condition: she must select a major with a clear path to stable employment. Should she pursue creative fields like theater or art, their support drops.
“I’ll still contribute—but only up to the equivalent of in-state public university tuition. She wants to attend a private school, so she would be responsible for the difference through scholarships, working, or student loans,” the user said in the post.
“My reasoning is pretty simple: I’m willing to invest heavily in her education, but I don’t think being able to afford something automatically means I should pay for it regardless of the potential return.”
The user added that the reasoning did not sit well with the daughter or the wife as both of them are against taking out a loan when they have the money.
“(My daughter) absolutely hated this. She told me that making her take out loans when we have the ability to pay is unfair and would put her at a disadvantage starting her adult life.”
“My wife thinks I’m being too rigid, and most of my family thinks I’m the asshole. Their argument is that college should be about finding something you’re passionate about, not just maximizing your future salary.”
Internet Weighs In on College Funding Over One Parent's Degree of Choice
The poster maintained their position, writing: “I understand that argument. I also think there’s a difference between supporting your kid’s dreams and writing a blank check for them. For context, I’m a 39-year-old high school biology teacher, and my wife works in healthcare. We’re not wealthy—we’ve just been fortunate and planned ahead enough that paying for college is something we can realistically do.”
Commenters in the thread offered mixed reactions. Some pushed back, arguing the parent was not being supportive by conditioning financial help on the daughter's major choice. Others agreed with the parent's judgment.
“What a plot twist when you said what you do for a living! High school teacher and healthcare?! I was expecting corporate lawyer or business owner based on the lead up. Now I'm just confused. You didn't exactly pick a mercenary career path yourself, so why do you expect your kid to,” one Redditor wrote.
Another added, “This is just stem bias plain and simple. Sure she can earn more than a teacher with a creative arts degree but it would be arts and not stem. The lowest paying stem job is always seen as more valuable than the highest paying arts job. Which is wrong and hypocritical. Stem isn’t inherently valuable and there are hundreds of thousands of unemployed people with stem degrees unable to get a job in the current market. She should major in whatever will make her happy. There’s no guarantee to a job either way.”
A separate Reddit user wrote that the OP is not a good parent, “One is that you're trying to use money to control your daughter and force her to make the choices you approve of, instead of doing what she wants to do.”
“The second is that you're a two-income household, which means your wife should have as much of a say in this as you. You decided how much you and your wife would contribute to your daughter's education. Think about that for a second.”
One commenter raised a pointed observation about the gender dynamics in the household, writing, “You do not seem to respect the other people who live in your house. Whether it's a coincidence that they're both women is something we lack the information to evaluate.”
The Daily Dot was unable to independently verify the events described in this post. The details above reflect the account shared in r/AmItheAsshole by user lionheart724.
