A TikTok posted by creator @thevalerieadams on February 15 shows her listing three things a man who wants a relationship would not do. The video drew about 29,700 likes, 4,396 saves and 88 comments and was shared 485 times at the time of publication.
She introduced the list as things a man who likes someone "would never do in the early stages of dating." Valerie then teases viewers with a special reveal toward the end of her video, "He's probably not looking for something long term, especially if he's done number three."
The first behavior she listed was a man who discusses other women with someone he is dating. The TikToker said, "He's not going to use his precious time with you to talk about other women. He doesn't want you to think, gosh, there's so many other women in the picture. I must have competition." She then questioned the man's focus, saying, "he sees it as unhelpful if he were to be talking about other women."
Her second concern was a man asking to slow down or take a step back. The creator said, "he is not going to ask you to slow down or let's take a step back." Valerie argued, "he knows that momentum is very valuable in the early stages of dating."
@thevalerieadams Three things a man who sees a future with you would NEVER do in the early stages of dating ?? If the man you’re seeing has done any of these things, he may not be looking for the level of committed, healthy relationship that you want. Do not settle for a man who confuses you or makes you question whether you’re a priority or not. Want to be guided through the exact inner work to do to attract a man who’s ready for a serious, healthy relationship? Head to the ? on my page to learn about resources and ways I can support you ? . . . #dating #datingadvice #relationships #situationship #highvaluewoman
♬ original sound - Valerie | Dating Coach
She describes the behavior that she wants her man to exhibit, "He wants to be moving things forward with you." The TikToker then tells viewers, "It just isn't smart if he wants something long term with you."
Valerie finally gets to the most important red flag on her list. She claims that a man who wants to date you will not put himself in a position "for another man to swoop in." The TikToker then emphasizes how confidence matters in this situation. "When you hold that energy and see yourself that way, other men pick up on that," the creator explained. She says the man's reaction should be, "Wait, I need to be top of mind."
"He's reaching out to you regularly," Valerie said. "Communication is pretty standard. And most importantly, he's following through with making solid plans in advance with you."
The TikToker ends the video with some advice, "You have too much value to offer to let yourself get caught up in this."
Valerie's first item about other women drew a response in the comments. One commenter replied, "All he does is talk about his exs... im [sic] sick and tired of hearing about them..."
Valerie had also told viewers, "Do not settle for a man who does these things and confuses you." A viewer wrote in response, "I am ready for a meaningful connection with the right man," and added, "I’m single, but my standards are not."
However, not everyone agreed with the TikToker's observations. "I'm sorry but [the final two items] are not true at all, I actually think they're healthy," one commenter argued. "Healthy men will let things unfold naturally and take their time," the commenter added. "[...] they definitely shouldn't be territorial in the early days."
The Daily Dot was unable to independently verify the claims described in this TikTok. The details above reflect @thevalerieadams' account as shared on TikTok. Her identity and credentials, as well as those of the commenters, have not been confirmed.
