‘Why Can’t I Simply Enjoy My Freedom?’: Woman Posts About Boyfriend Who Says Having Kids Is Her Duty as His Partner

A post in r/GirlDinnerDiaries describes a woman's reaction after her boyfriend told her it was her duty as his partner to have children with him. She and her boyfriend are both 35, and he serves in the military and is home roughly four months out of the year.

The Redditor had promised herself at age ten that she would remain financially independent after watching her mother stay in an unhappy marriage to her stepfather out of financial dependence.

She has since built a career earning $250,000 annually, has $1.3 million invested in the stock market, and is currently in graduate school.

The original poster wrote that her boyfriend's comment left her feeling reduced to what she called a "baby making machine," adding that she has never wanted children. She wrote that the couple had been together two and a half years, describing him as her "adventure partner" and saying he was loving except during arguments about having children.

The woman is currently freezing her eggs in case she later changes her mind about having kids, though she said she does not currently want them and turns 36 in two months. She wrote that if she were to have children, she would want a partner who is home more consistently to help raise them, and who earns enough to help cover child care costs.

She also wrote that her boyfriend called her a "hedonist" and a "nihilist" for not wanting children, and wondered why she couldn't simply be someone who enjoys her freedom and a quiet life instead.

Commenters said the disagreement pointed to a fundamental incompatibility. One commenter wrote, "If he wants kids this badly and you don't, you guys are incompatible. I say this as a mother, children are not for the weak and no woman should have children if she's not 100% sure she wants them."

Others focused on the boyfriend's limited time at home given his military service. One person wrote, "Especially not with some dude who's only home a third of the year, yet claims 'it's your duty' to have kids he'll never be around to care for. Not that this guy sounds like he'd care for any kids, anyway. OP, this is not a situation you want to end up in. Since he's never home anyway, there's not much to miss here."

Another shared a personal experience with the decision to have children later in a relationship. They wrote, "Absolutely. Don't doubt yourself. You know if you want kids. No man can change that. I wasn't sure for 10 years and we did IVF in year 11 and I had my kid. I felt I owed it to him since we stayed married for so long but he never enforced it. It was my choice. And while I have no regrets, the child free life is also pretty great. Do you."

The Daily Dot was unable to independently verify the events described in this Reddit post. The details above reflect the original poster's account of events as shared on Reddit.