‘Only one person can find Kate Middleton now’: The internet is sharing fictional detectives they believe could find Kate Middleton

So, in case you’re not chronically online, allow me to fill you in: Kate Middleton has been missing since Christmas day.

Well, “missing.”

Basically, the Princess of Wales hasn’t been photographed or seen in public since Christmas, when she was present with Prince William and the rest of their family to celebrate the holiday.

In the time since Christmas—given how noticeable Kate’s absence was—Kensington Palace released an official announcement on the Princess, stating that she’d be undergoing a planned abdominal surgery and would thus be out of the public eye, further stating: “The Princess of Wales appreciates the interest this statement will generate. She hopes that the public will understand her desire to maintain as much normality for her children as possible; and her wish that her personal medical information remains private.” 

The statement ended by confirming, “Based on the current medical advice, she is unlikely to return to public duties until after Easter.”

After this announcement, the internet did what they do and let their imaginations run absolutely wild, launching a full-blown conspiracy theory about the Princess’s “disappearance.” The rumors on her whereabouts ran the gamut from a divorce from Prince William to plastic surgery, with on Spanish TV host, Concha Calleja, even going so far as to claim they believe Kate is in a medically-induced coma due to possible complications with her surgery—though this claim has not been substantiated in any way.

Anyway, while one subsect of the internet attempts to come up with what they believe to be “realistic” options to Kate’s whereabouts, a whole other, far sillier subsect are trying to decide who we should employ to find her.

Here are just a few of the best (mostly fictional) options:

So, there you have it! As of the publishing of this article, the Princess still hasn’t made a public appearance.