One question on r/AskReddit addressed a topic many people avoid discussing. "To all single guys aged 30 and up on Reddit, why are you guys single?" Many responses focused on loneliness and social isolation.
A user called SonderVale opened up: "I don't socialize and have poor social skills." He goes to the gym regularly, does not speak to anyone there, has watched people notice the silence long enough that the silence itself has become a wall.
Another commenter said self-awareness was an important first step. He asked for advice anyway.
A user named grumble11 offered practical advice: "Start small and don’t go right to trying to find a romantic partner. Practice small talk, join some social hobbies and practice conversation. Smiling, friendly, positive, practice the give and take of conversation." They did warn him it would be tiring at first, but he'll get natural at it.
User InterestingCold1881 was less optimistic. "Once you're past your 30s with no social foundation set," they wrote, "you're practically cursed for life." The comment drew numerous replies from other users.
IDNWID_1900 wrote their own story. Between the ages of 35 and 39, they lived alone for four years, with dating apps producing few matches.
"The reality is that dating apps are a curse if you rely on them, specialy if you are an average looking dude (or below). Going out and meeting people is the eay to go, but lacking even a small group to go out with is a big handicap to overcome once you are +30 and living in a city away from your old friends", they said.
Wolf_and_the_yakuza, 34, described a childhood where his mother would threaten to punish him if he spoke to girls, and he said his social confidence declined during adolescence and never completely resumed. He started working in his twenties. His thirties began with therapy, and he went on his first date this year.
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One commenter saw it and said, "The Green Mile quote landed here." A reference to the line "I'm tired, boss," which another user, KingGuy420, had stated earlier in the conversation as their own explanation for being single.
A woman in the thread, AccessCompetitive, said the same answer was hers too, and felt less alone after reading the responses.
Researchers and public health officials have noted an increase in social isolation, especially among adult men, and loneliness among men over 30 has become a documented concern in the United States. In 2023, former US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy declared it a public health crisis.
